birthday – No Grit, No Pearl

Today I’m giving myself a little pat on the back and a “good job, you made it.” This self-congratulating is because today is my daughter’s birthday. Good bye teenager. Hello 20s. She’s alive and thriving. I still have most of my hair left and pieces of my sanity remain intact as well despite the last seven years that were her teenage years.

Allow me to clarify. I loved her at 13. I loved her at 14. I loved her but didn’t like her much at 15. I loved her at 16 and 17. I loved her at 18 but she was a little shady. I liked her on most days when she was 19 too. But I can’t get enough of her at 20.

Today, she is sitting in a sorority house at her university campus, about a 3-hour drive from me, killin’ it. I never would have believed it had you told me on one of those nights that we both stormed out of the room crying with ~~frustration~~ ~~hurt feelings~~ blinding rage over a disagreement miscommunication full-out brawl about her attitude.

We celebrated her birthday 3 days ago when we drove there to take our family to dinner. The next morning, during breakfast at our favorite diner just a couple blocks off campus she said, and I quote “mom is my best friend.” It was a quick phrase in a long story she was telling us about her friends. I sat across from her trying not to react. Trying not to choke on my granola yogurt parfait. Cool as a cucumber as my heart filled up with her. How far we have come since her 13^th birthday when we drove her and a carload of friends to Nashville to shop. I contemplated giving her away to anyone who would take her that day. But now? Now only a short few years later she was sitting there all adult-like having a conversation with her parents; casually saying out loud that I’m her best friend.

I write this as a form of encouragement to so many of my dear friends who are smack dab in the middle of the teenager, smart-assy, unpredictable, sanity-challenging days that you worry will never end. They end.

If you can, keep them alive while still reminding them that even being a grade A jerk doesn’t diminish your love for them. The rest will hopefully fall into place. Staying alive and knowing they are loved are the primary goals. It’s rewardingly refreshing to hear her reflect back on those grade A jerk moments with regret. She sees things with more mature eyes now and I don’t seem so dumb to her now.

20 is still a fresh adult with so many faceplants and heartbreak ahead; much yet to learn. However, I look forward to hearing my phone ring with her voice wanting to talk about it rather than a slammed door.

Teenagers. They don’t keep. Suck them up and love them while you can. Because thank you Jesus, one day it ends.

A couple weeks ago something terrible happened to my daughter. Brace yourself. Take a moment if you need.

I don’t know how else to say it besides just coming right out with it: It was a Friday night and my teenage daughter had no plans.

It was tragic.

She had no other alternative but to hang out with her lame parents on the couch and watch the dumb movie they rented from Red Box.

She was in a dark place mentally so in anticipation of the evening she asked if she could take a quick drive around the neighborhood in the golf cart to clear her head. We agreed it was a good idea. We had to help get her through this however we could.

She was gone for all of 5 minutes when my husband’s phone rang. He sprung from the couch yelling into the phone, “Where are you? Are you okay? I’m on my way!” He ran out the front door shouting, “She wrecked, but she’s ok!”

Before I could get past our front porch she was already home, being delivered to me by her dad with a blanket around her shoulders. Crying hysterically.

After I tended to her bumps and bruises, checked her pupils, looked for broken bones…all the normal mom checklist stuff…I asked her what happened.

She told me she was driving down the street when she saw the headlights of an approaching car. She did what any clear minded person would do. She turned off the headlights from the golf cart. Duh. After they passed, she turned her headlights back on at the exact moment that she plowed into a truck parked on the side of the road.

“Why would you turn off your lights?” I asked in the calmest most chilled tone of voice I could muster.

“Because it was embarrassing for anyone to see me all alone on a Friday night, driving a golf cart around the neighborhood!” she said.

Of course! Totally logical.

Her dad comes back with the golf cart. The pieces of it, I should say. When she hit, she flew through the windshield and landed on the pavement. Hit so hard the axle snapped in half and the wheels fell off. It’s a miracle she wasn’t seriously injured.

This is not what’s bothering me really. It’s just what led me to tell you what is.

Today is her 16th birthday. I’m taking her tomorrow morning to the court house to test for her drivers permit. Instead of a golf cart she will now be driving a 2-ton car.

Hide your kids. Hide your wife.

Will she turn off her lights on a Friday night, when she’s all alone, driving 60mph on the highway, to spare herself the embarrassment of being seen?

Will she walk away unhurt if she ever gets flung through a windshield again?

As I’m driving about my day, I get a panicky feeling now when I see a moron driver because I immediately think of my baby sharing the road with him.

Will she know how to handle driving on black ice? I don’t, but I really hope she does.

Celebrating her sweet 16 today makes me thankful. It’s been an exciting 16 years watching her grow into her own independent person, but it feels like with that independence that I’m letting a piece of her go.

I’m losing some of that comforting pseudo control I think I have. It sets my anxiety into overdrive. I’m not ready. The 16 years went by too fast. AAAAHHHHHH!

“Ask and it will be given to you…” Matthew 7:7.

I’m not sure I buy it exactly. I’ve asked many times for things and was not given them. Nevertheless, I keep asking. I gather that when I ask for things that are heavenly and pure that it may be the sort of thing he’s speaking of giving to people when they ask. I bet if I prayed to hit the lottery he’d be less likely to say yes then when I pray for more faith. The whole “blessed are the poor” thing probably knocks me out of his favor with the ole lottery prayer, but I must think he wouldn’t be stingy on my request for peace and deeper faith.

It’s my only hope. Praying for faith.

Faith that he will look over my girl. His girl.

Faith that he will protect her. Faith that his control is good and sufficient.

Faith. I’m praying for more of it.

It’s the only way to keep from suffering a nervous breakdown over this.

I’ll also try to focus on the upside.

I’ll have a runner now. Someone to make trips to the grocery for me. Someone to drop off our dry cleaning. Someone who understands the importance of headlights.

So Happy Sweet 16th birthday baby girl. Momma loves you. Call me when you get there. And when you leave. But not while you’re driving.

In the meantime, I’ll be sitting here praying for faith to relax and enjoy it all. That and stiff cocktail should do the trick.

Tag Archive for: birthday

Good Bye Teenager

Sweet 16