Today is the 20th anniversary of Susan Smith driving her car, with her two little boys strapped in the backseat, into a lake. She told police she was carjacked, but later confessed to the murders. She is serving a life sentence in a South Carolina prison. I remember being a young college student, who didnā€™t have a clue what being a mother was like, watching that story and thinking what a terrible person she must be. Today, as a mother of two, I still have the same thoughts on that judgment of her actions, but I can understand how a mother, especially one with mental instability, could snap. I wonder if Ms Smith had anyone to encourage her, to offer to bare some of her load or to get good advice from. I feel like women like her who make the headlines with their horrific parental decisions probably all share the common characteristic of loneliness. I wonder if she never told anyone of her struggles because she was afraid of being judged.

For this reason, Iā€™ve decided to make an intentional effort to support the momā€™s in my life. Full disclosure… women who give their toddlers Mountain Dew in sippy cups, smoke cigarettes in cars with their kids in the backseat or do anything on a list of things one can do that would cause social workers and/or the po-po to have a legit reason to show up at their door are exempt from my goal of becoming a non-judgmental mother of other mothers. I feel like those momā€™s probably need advice from someone a couple pay grades above me whom would be able to give better counsel. Everyone else not included in that previous sentence should know that they have my support. I promise that I will try to not compare my parenting style to yours in a negative way. I will do my best to not say anything to you to deflate you as a mother. Iā€™d ask you do the same for me. Even when I do something like make my kid finish their sandwich only to discover the bread was molded or when I let my 12 year old watch a PG-13 movie. Letā€™s work on supporting and building each other up. This could be the beginning of a great thing.

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or work-a-job-that-mails-you-a-W2 mom, you have a tough job. Iā€™ve had both of those positions and they both come with their own unique set of challenges. I was a stay-at-home mom to two of the smartest, most adorable chubby cheeked babies on the planet. I had that job for all of 18 months before I dang near lost my mind and needed a job out of the house. I went back to work and loved most every minute of it until those chubby cheeked babies turned into pre-teen middle schoolers and my attention was needed back home. Now, after several years, Iā€™m back to doing the domestic engineer gig again. My have the times changed. The last time I stayed at home I was changing diapers and listening to Toy Story 2 on repeat during the course of the day until I cried. This go around Iā€™m more of an unpaid taxi cab driver enduring kidā€™s hormonal craziness. One thing that didnā€™t change is the need to feel like Iā€™m succeeding. The criticisms I get as a stay at home mom hurt as much as the ones I got for working.

Iā€™m blessed with several great friends who are also mothers. I can call them and vent or ask for advice, and know that I wonā€™t be judged by them. Whether you work outside the home or inside the home, only feed your kids homemade organic dinners or slide on two wheels through a drive thru window on your way home from the office youā€™re doing your best. Being a mother is a hard job no matter how you slice it. Iā€™m so grateful for my judgment free mom friends. Like the one who told me, ā€œItā€™s okay Amanda. You didnā€™t know. He didnā€™t die. Itā€™s fine.ā€ When I called her crying because my fussy son (he was 5 years old at the time) who Iā€™d been telling to toughen up about his sore thumb for a whole week had actually broken his wrist and was now in a cast.

I think my favorite SNL alum says it best, ā€œObviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying ā€˜likeā€™ all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.ā€

Happy Hallelujah / Trunk or Treat / Fall Festival (on Oct 31st) / Pumpkin Party (on Oct 31st). All are popular names for Halloween parties for churches. Itā€™s basically a great way to hook families into engaging with them in a fun non-threatening way with hopes that something will spark their interest in returning for a visit on the following Sunday. I think this is great and is a wonderful use of resources. My problem is that the intention was to celebrate Halloween, while acting like they are not by the use of a play on words. Why canā€™t they just call it what it is; a Halloween party. This is a small example of how the unchurched can perceive the church as not authentic and hypocritical. Itā€™s sort of the same thing as when my friend will say, ā€œWhat the eff was he thinking?ā€ I know what she was thinking. I know what she meant. Iā€™m even impressed with her discipline of abbreviating the word, but I wonder how that is any better than actually saying what she means or refraining all together. The intention was there. Intent is even a legitimate defense in court. Someone that hits someone with intent to hurt them usually fares better than one that hits someone with the intent to kill.

To Halloween or not to Halloween is a controversial topic for Christians and I can appreciate both sides of the issue. Does being in the world, but not of the world mean celebrating a pagan holiday under the disguise of twisting the words of what they decide to call it so that it appears less worldly? When I look at Jesusā€™ ministry on earth I think about how he hung out with the sinners and met them where they were. He didnā€™t trick anyone into it. He didnā€™t participate in their sinful actions by joining in with them and calling it something different. I also doubt that he was changing the water to wine as a party trick around town to get people to church that week. People wanted to be around him due to his integrity and the authentic way he showed love and mercy to them. They came to believe by watching his miracles and listening to his message of hope. No gimmicks required.

Whatever your convictions about Halloween, I think that we should strive to be genuine. Call a spade a spade. So as for me and my family, we will celebrate Halloweenā€¦..and still go to church that week